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Interview With CROM

Posted on May 15, 2015 in Uncategorized

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JELLO-First of all, what the hell is your problem, and who the hell do you think you are?
PHILIP THE MIGHTY- What’s your problem asshole, fuck you, we’re Crom!

You seemed to be influenced by a whole lot of god damned nothing. What is your excuse?
I like early Nothing. Our drummer for some reason is a huge fan of Nothing. Even the later days. Nothing rules, just admit it.

Did you hear that Swarzenegger is running for govenor of CA or something? Don’t you own his hairy boots from the Conan saga? They might fetch a handsome price now if he’s elected. What do you think?
Conan used to go to the shows back in the day when there were no sword limits.

Honestly though, would you be able to part with such an inspirational peice of memmorobillia? I heard that you wear them when you play, and refuse to go onstage without them?
Shoot arrows, eat pussy.

Okay….What does CROM like to do in their free time? Any other side projects we should know about?
Shoot arrows, eat pussy.

Why is Grace Slick such a whore? Would you take a dip into that dark chocolate?
Why is Conrad Bain such a prude? None of your business asshole!

If James Murphy would have come into the studio during your recording “sesh” and beat up Carlos Reveco (producer), would you have let him take over the producing duties for the remainder of your recording?
If he would duplicate the same solo he performed on the Gorguts record, then I would have faith that he would eat my ass.

Remember that movie “Clan Of The Cavebear”? That was cool huh? You have some sort of “cave bear” on the cover of your CD!
Remember the movie, “Clash of the Titans” with the mechanical owl?! Fuck you!

Do you weild an axe or a sword in time of battle?
Champagne bottle in the ass. Buttgun it fat end first!

Who were the main forces in the “Cocaine wars of 1974 – 1989″? Were you enlisted to fight?
Was I enlisted? Do you want it in the ass?

Do you find that sweet cocaine aids in your performance when “Fighting Til Death”?
Do you find that sweet cum AIDS your performance when eating the shit out of a man’s ass?

While spinning your disk (The Cocaine Wars 1974-1989) I am taken on a musical journey, a quest if you will….. at times It makes me want to dance, cry, and scream for the love of Jesus Christ, but most of all it makes me want to log on to log on to Napster and perform endless searches for the Doobie Brothers, Edgar Winter, Van Hallen, Slayer, Iron Maiden, and Steely Dan! Can you explain this to me? Have you created a monster with your subliminal suggestion?
Yes. More ass.

I was disappointed that you left out the metal ballad duet with Lita Ford that I was hearing so much about. Why was that song get from the CD? What was the title again?
Carlos Reveco eats goat balls for breakfast. Leave us alone.

Many musical references have been made to the mighty Slayer on this new record. Aren’t you scared that Tom Araya will come over to your cave one day after hearing it and want to kick your ass in for ripping his bands sweet tunage?
GiJoe blob? He-man hand job? She-ra mustache ride?

Do you guys get your asses kicked a lot when you play?
Only once. So far.

Why do you even bother?
No, you!

Is beer an important part of CROM’s balanced breakfast?
Does Michael Louie Meza Jr eat chorizo?

What the fuck?
If you really want to know, when we were recording in Guam at Jimmy Buffet’s studio, the humidity was affecting the pink noise levels and we had to augment our oscillations with 100% pure Egyptian cotton wind screens, I could go on but what’s the point, you guys only care about RBI’S and shit.

Any last comments / solutions to teen suicide?
“Is this a joke?” – Glenn Danzig (when he was shown the Crom Album). We’re better than Geddy Lee’s solo album. And Robin Trower will play on one more record and that’s it. We also like your mom’s b-hole. Write to allhailcrom@hotmail.com for crom T-shirts and misc. panty shots.

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